Archive for November, 2010
Long’s Pedicurist Leaks Reelection Slogan
Springfield, MO—In the wake of the November 2 election, Billy Long’s camp has wasted no time in putting together a plan for his reelection campaign. According to a woman who identifies herself as Long’s pedicurist, Long will abandon his extremely popular “Fed Up?” slogan in 2012. The pedicurist, who would like to remain nameless, claims […]
McDonald’s Customers Jailed Thanks to Monopoly Game
Springfield, MO – Phillip and Mandy Saunders of Springfield were jailed after getting a “Go Straight to Jail” game piece while playing McDonald’s Monopoly game on Tuesday. The couple was escorted to the Greene County Jail by two pointing, uniformed officers with whistles. The couple has the options of paying 50 dollars or rolling doubles. […]
Missouri Farmers Start Elderberry Craze with “What the Hell is An Elderberry Festival”
Springfield, MO – Trying to start new enthusiasm for elderberries, local farmers are headlining a new festival to celebrate the Missouri fruit. The “What the Hell is An Elderberry Festival” will show Missourians all the great uses of elderberries as well as what the hell they are. The many booths will be entitled “Elderberry Wine,” […]
Meth Addict Wins Costume Contest
Springfield, MO — Springfield’s first annual city-wide Halloween costume contest was held Halloween evening at Party City on Campbell. Hundreds of Springfield residents came to attend in hopes of winning the grand prize of $500 cash. The catch was that to be eligible to win the costume contest, one’s costume needed to be Missouri-themed—or even […]
Blunt Campaigns In Arizona
Springfield MO and Phoenix AZ-Senate hopeful Roy Blunt from Springfield Missouri is now running campaign ads showing how he is helping the people of Arizona, California, and Texas by leading the fight against illegal immigration. Tony Trueblood, Blunt’s senior political adviser, says that there is no motivation other than political emotion for Roy Blunt to […]
Long and Eckersley to Rock’em Sock’em
Springfield, MO – With tensions elevating as the Nov. 2 election nears, Congressional candidate, Billy Long, has thrown down the gauntlet by challenging Scott Eckersley to a winner-take-all, three-round bout of Rock’em Sock’em Robots. “My wife found my old Rock’em Sock’ems while she was cleaning out the attic last week. With all this mudslinging going […]
Halloween…
I love this time of year…the cool, crisp fall air, the turning of the leaves and, yes, the lone fall holiday…Halloween. Things have changed a bit over the years. This holiday used to be about hanging out with friends and eating candy. These days, it appears that the blood and guts has turned to whores […]
