Archive for October, 2009
Doctor Collects Lightning for Experiments at Shrine Mosque
Springfield, MO—Local physician Dr. Fran Kenstine has located his new practice in the basement of the Shrine Mosque and has yet to announce formal office hours or accept any patients. In fact, no one has been seen coming or going from the clinic since it opened earlier this month. “I think he must be working […]
Abercrombie & Fitch Markets Reality In the Ozarks
Springfield, MO—After numerous years of scantily dressing store models, clothing retailer Abercrombie & Fitch is taking a new approach to merchandising with a dose of reality. This fall, the Battlefield Mall location will be one of a handful of selected stores to participate in a pilot promotion program to fully dress each reality model within […]
One Man Rush to Purchase Rams
St. Louis, MO—Radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh says he is teaming up with St. Louis Blues owner Dave Checketts in a bid to buy the St. Louis Rams. If purchased, it is widely assumed that Limbaugh will institute a Gang of Eight football management style to leverage his experience of on-air offensive lines, piling […]
Nixa Beckons the Internet Fairy
Nixa, MO—The City of Nixa hopes to get commercial high-grade internet service by installing internet fiber lines provided by the internet fairy. Currently, all members of the city council have written letters to the internet fairy asking for the speedy gift of transmitting large files, super-fast emails and quick screen load times. This idea started […]
Artwalk’s Blazin’ Brownies are N.O.R.M.L.
Springfield, MO—The Springfield, Missouri branch of The National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws served baked brownies Friday night during Artwalk. Passer-bys were greeted with friendly smiles at the booth and occasional outbursts of chuckles. A spokesperson for the group said, “Through this bake sale we hope to spread awareness of our cause, and […]
Workout Clothes Make Man Look Fat
Springfield, MO—While dressing to prepare for a workout at the south side YMCA, local man Kurt Tressel said, “these workout clothes make me look fat”. Looking fat and feeling fat the man traveled to the workout center in his automobile early Friday morning. While resting his breakfast of champions little black donut package on his […]
H1N1: the New Black Plague
Springfield, MO—The Springfield-Greene County Health Department’s released this week’s health update yesterday. The Fight the Flu Web site has new documents on influenza and asthma, as well as “What to do When you Think You Have the Flu.” The H1N1 update is below. All people who are suspected of having the swine flu, or H1N1, […]
