Archive for August, 2009
Nationwide Tour Awaits Next Name Change
The Price Cutter Charity Championship enters its 20th year this summer at Highland Springs Country Club in Springfield awaiting yet another name change. Over the past twenty years the tournament has been know by several monikers including the Ben Hogan Tour, Nike Tour, Buy.com Tour and its current iteration named for Nationwide Insurance. “Well I […]
Bailiff Busted: Removes Self From Courtroom
Bentonville, AR—Three-and-a-half months since her first arrest, a county bailiff was taken into custody again on Sunday effectively removing her from her former position within the court system. Reportedly, 35-year-old Roz Russell was driving recklessly at around 3:00 a.m. She was pulled over a by a deputy and then refused to submit to an intoxication […]
Ozarks Emperor Very Much Pleased with His Fair
Springfield, MO- Grand Emperor of the Ozarks, Jo Bob Billius, was very much pleased with the glorious fair placed in his honor. Jo Bob traveled down from his majestic mountain fortress of Moon-Shan’gri-La and was greeted by his numerous subjects. Riding a “mule” (a mythical and wondrous beast combining a donkey and a horse) the […]
Lawn Mower Racer Arrested for DUI
CARTERVILLE, MO—A slobbering, stinky man has been charged with racing a lawn mower while sipping on grandpa’s cough syrup. Police Chief Howard says Jamie Dennison, 47, was arrested Friday on an overpass of Missouri 171 at Carterville, north of Joplin. Howard says Dennison, who lives in a trailer near Carterville, has a revoked driver’s license […]
Man at Fair Deep Fried, Eaten
Springfield, MO—Jeffery Green, a local accountant, met with tragedy yesterday at the Ozark Empire Fair when he was accidently battered, fried, and quickly devoured by local fair attendees. The feeding frenzy was so quick no one was identified or charged. The fair apologized to Green’s family and offered them a stuffed gorilla and a White […]
Giant Hanging “L” Seen Over Skies
Springfield, MO—Residents were panicked to see a giant floating letter in the sky this past weekend. A large capital “L” was reportedly seen with occasionally triangle shaped unidentified objects. “I saw the UFOs coming over the sky and I was just certain that aliens were coming back to claim their planet Earth they abandoned 5000 […]
