Local Conservative Can’t Believe He Has Twitter Writer’s Block on Beer Summit


Ozark, MO—On Tuesday afternoon, President Obama, Henry Gates, and the police officer who arrested Mr. Gates sat down at the White House for the so called “Beer Summit.” The event, which was intended to help quell tensions over the arrest and alleged racial prejudices, also created a massive spike in conservative blog and Twitter postings. However, one local die-hard Republican found the opportunity wasted.

Harold Carmichael of Ozark is not a fan of president Obama and when he learned of the Beer Summit he felt as if the universe had given him the perfect topic upon which to slaughter the reputation of the president (in 140 characters or less). Unfortunately, when he sat down at his computer on Tuesday evening to unleash his barbed morsel of wit and wisdom, nothing happened.

“There it was, Barack Ocommie and his left wing professor sitting on the glorious green lawn of the tax-payers white house, sipping on tax-payer beer, talking about how to socialize arresting procedures and suck hard-earned money from the mouths of unborn babies, and there I was, sitting in front of my computer with nothing. This should have been my golden moment. Instead, all I could come up with was ‘I wonder if they’re drinking Pabst Red Commie Douche Ribbon’. That doesn’t even make sense,” said Carmichael.

Carmichael became further frustrated as he watched all of his Facebook friends and Twitter followers sprinkle the web with gems that managed to work in jibes about healthcare reform, the closing of Gitmo, the family dog, and even Obama’s granny pants.

“One of my friends, O_bomb_a_prochoicer569, had about 16 posts in an hour. My favorite was, ‘The only beer that should be served at the White House is Palin Ale.’ That’s genius,” said Carmichael.

Though his day ended in immense frustration over what he viewed as possibly the best chance to show how skilled conservatives are at pun-laden political headlines, Carmichael is still upbeat. “There may not be another beer summit, but I’m bound to get another golden opportunity,” said Carmichael. “Heck, with this administration every day is like a pap smear summit. Hey, that’s pretty good!”

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